Prophecies Are a Pain
by C.X.X
Summary: AU. After his Godfather's death, Harry thinks about how Dumbledore, the Ministry, & Voldemort are all wrong. So when after a weird dream he wakes up with voices in his head, what will he do next but to make a new path. Warning: Dumbledore and Selected Weasley bashing. Rated T because of language & fights. -C.X.X
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Greetings, You people in the fantasy world you. I am C.X.X., The Mighty Writer of Charaxia! This is my first fanfiction (that I have posted) and I would like to be given reviews that would help me improve, not hurt. And of course, if you like it, tell me, don't be stupid. If you don't like it, I honestly don't give a damn. I do this for fun. **

**I will warn you, this fiction does put Dumbledore (and a few Weasleys) in a bad light. It's not that I don't think Dumbles is awesome or that those few Weasleys are characters I dislike, it's more of the fact that I get more 'what if..' ideas from it. **

**This is a basic idea I stole from someone else, because they abandoned it and I thought it was cool. **

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, for I'm in school still. Why in the world would she be on this site anyway? Your thoughts?**

**Anyways, on to Chapter 1**

**Chapter 1: In the courtroom**

It was the summer after Sirius died, June 12th, and near midnight. Harry, laying in his bed, awake and thinking.

_'If I run away, Voldie-Moldie will destroy everything. If I stay and be the obedient and naive boy, I'll never be free from Dumbles. If I become the ministry's mascot, I'll support the idiots not doing anything. And if I join Voldie-Moldie because I'm sick of it all, I'll be servant to him. Either way I'm in deep shit.'_

And with that, he fell asleep. And he dreamed.

He was in the middle of a muggle-like courtroom. A man, who was obviously the judge, was anything but human. He had dark gray horns mounted on his head like a bull. His face looked similar to Voldie's current one. He had Gold Eyes, and was bald. He had the torso of man, but had four legs like a centaur. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were narrowed, focusing on the papers in front of him.

On the judge's left, and Harry's right, sat what Harry assumed to be the jury. The Jury was filled with recognizable ghosts of wizards & smuggles a like. Harry saw what he swore to be Merlin.

On Harry's left, and the Judge's right, sat 4 figures. The first on Harry's left had a feminine shape, and looked roughly about 5'6". Harry couldn't see her face or hands, because she looked like a female grim reaper, ax and all.

Next to her stood his very own mother, Lily Evans. Behind her stood his Father. His Mum wore a light blue robe, which looked to be made of scales of some sort, and holding a golden staff. His Dad had on a maroon robe, and had a golden broadsword.

Closest to the judge was a man with white-blonde hair, gelled forward, piercing blue eyes, and a Formal smirk. He wore an Avada-Kedevara green dress robe, and a silver saber.

The Judge looked up from his paperwork, and called out: "May Sirius Orion Black come into the court, now?"

Harry took a step towards the 4 figures and turned around. There, in front of the two open doors, glided in one Padfoot. Harry stared, bewildered. Padfoot just laid back on air, propping his feet up on nothing, putting his hands behind his head, and smirked. Harry realized with a snap that he was a ghost, and that he could float and disappear at will. Harry would hate to be a fellow deceased with Sirius around.

The Judge turned his head towards the four and glared. "Why did he fall through the veil instead of the madwoman? Lady Death!" The Female Grim Reaper stood.

"Lord Malgistor, this was not my fault." When she spoke, it sounded so much like his godfather's that Harry gasped and widened his eyes. "It was agreed that Lestrange would fall, not this one." Lady Death sat down.

"Lord Fate, what is your say?" And his Dad stood.

"Malgie, you know I wouldn't do a thing to prevent her falling. But his fate is intertwined with another, according to the correct prophecy concerning one Harry Potter." And James Potter sat down.

"Lord Prophecy, can you confirm this." The Judge said, turning to the man in green. The man flashed a grin at Lady Death, sand stood.

"Yes, my lord. The Prophecy states that the one chased by the next big dark leader, will avoid death until he reaches 12 decades in his life-span. The chased one shall bring back the one who died instead of his killer. The chased one shall also marry death. The chased one shall eventually defeat the dark leader, who's name is french for flight-of-death, or shall perish from him." The Judge looked down on Sirius. Lord Prophecy continued.

"The dark leader is the one by the name of Lord Voldemort. The chased one is Harry Potter. Death is my sister Lady Death. Harry Potter will defeat Lord Voldemort, or die trying." Lord Prophecy popped what looked to be a lemon-drop (WTF?) in to his mouth and grinned. "Just to sum it up for you, boss." Malgistor shot him a look.

"You know, do I have a say in this, since this is my case?" asked Sirius, smirking. Harry chuckled, as did his parents. The other two snorted, and Malgistor sighed, but nodded.

"Thanks. So, as I understand it, I'm some sort of token for my godson, to take back to the living world, and in exchange for Bellatrix? I don't like to be a damsel in distress, you know. I have a reputation as a murderer to live up to, and being rescued by a kid, my godson or not, is unfair." He crossed his arms, and Harry laughed out at his Animagus friend. "Moony's going to laugh in my face for years."

"Yeah, Padfoot, but as will I." laughed James. Sirius mock glared at him, while Lily and Harry rolled their eyes.

"And, since I am Prongslet's godfather, who is Lady Death and why does he have to marry her? And Harry can either defeat or die, which one? And, while I'm at it, where the hell am I?" Mrs. Padfoot yelled the last 5 words. He glared at Lady Death, then Lord Prophecy. He turned to Malgistor and thought a minute. "Can I get a water to go? I've got a meeting with Fabian & Gideon Prewett in eight, and I'm parched." Malgistor glared at him. "All right, all right. Can I at least get answers?"

And with that, his dream faded.

**Author's Post Script Talk: So? How**** did**** I do? **

**Pop-Quiz: Who's Fabian & Gideon Prewett?**


	2. Chapter 2: Insane

**Author's Note: Greetings! Now, I noticed that out of many, very few of you reviewed. Come on, it's not like you have anything better to do if you're reading this. **

**Shout out to the one's who did review: HpHgPjGone, Robert32514, Rmiser1994, & Dyani91: Thanks, you are correct, & I'm sorry for publishing late.**

**Chapter 2: Insane Thoughts of the Boy who Won't Die  
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At exactly 5:00am, Hedwig hooted Harry awake. His eyes flickered around the room. He had this room since he was 11, and he hadn't done anything about all this junk. So got up and got dressed, and began working on the many clocks. You see, Dudley breaks his clocks if they wake him up, and then they get tossed in there. After about 5 clocks, Harry realized what he was doing. Bewildered, he dropped the sixth clock (breaking it), and sunk back into his bed. His mind raced. Merlin's wand, how did he do it?

He'd never had any experience, and he couldn't fix a pen! Harry's thoughts went all over. But while he was trying to find an explanation, he remembered the dream he had, and forgot about the clock.

So, he was supposed to rescue his godfather, hook up with Death, and either defeat Voldie or die trying. '_Fate hates me.' _thought Harry. But another voice, a different one than his own, spoke up: 'He probably doesn't, being your dearly deceased father.' The voice sounded...familiar. 'Well, our twin nephew's inherited Gideon's voice, while their older brother inherited mine. I'm Fabian Prewett.' said a different Voice. _'All right, now I'm going __mad__.'_thought Harry, remembering that these were Mrs. Weasley's brothers.

'I assure you, you're as sane as you were when you were born. Fabian's the mental one.' said the first voice, Gideon, surely smirking.

'Am not!' yelled Fabian. Harry started getting a migraine.

'Are too!' Gideon egged back, nearly bursting Harry's eardrum.

'You are!' Harry's head felt like exploding.

_'Shut up the both of you! __Aren't you both dead?' _snapped Harry, screwing his face up in frustration. That seemed to shut them up, which made Harry's headache go away.

'Don't need to be rude, mate.' said Gideon, after a while. 'And technically, we were dead, but kinda got reborn due to an accident in the afterlife. So we're alive, but were your age, and in your head.'

'Malgistor decided to take pity on the dead and gave us this mission, to help you on this quest-' started Fabian.

'-but also to get us away from the afterlife.' continued Gideon. Harry shook his head and shifted his gaze towards Hedwig. She cocked her head at him, mildly concerned, then ruffled her feathers and hooted in annoyance, showing that she wants out. Harry chuckled. 'Nice owl, mate.'

_'All right, let me get this straight. I'm supposed to get Sirius from the – well, where ever he is, and you're here to help me? How useful are you stuck up in my head?'_ thought Harry, feeling ridiculous. _'Are you going posses__s me and make me a wand-warrior in fights?' _Harry snorted.

'No,' started Gideon

'-but we can physicalize-' added Fabian

'-into cool-'

'-pranking demons-'

'-for your everyday uses-' They said simultaneously

'-from cleaning & cooking-'

'-to duels and battles!' Ended Fabian. Harry snorted, reminded of Gred & Forge, and Hedwig shot an 'are-you-all-right?' look. He nodded, and then got out parchment. He grabbed a broken pen and fixed it, then he started to write.

_Dear Remus,_

_I am not going to be around much, not until after _

_Christmas. I have things to take care of, and I would prefer _

_to have the Order not know where I'm at. Only Hedwig will_

_know __where I'm at. Just tell Dumbles to not bother with the _

_the Hogwarts Letter. _

_I just need you to keep an eye on Bellatrix, she's_

_tricky. And report to me. I may be off the face of this earth, _

_but I'll be back._

_This not me morning Sirius & revenge against _

_Lestrange, this is business. _

_Don't trust anyone but Tonks with this. Not _

_the headmaster, not the ministry, not Voldie & Friends._

_- Prongslet_

Harry nodded, rolled it up, and let Hedwig out of her cage, by picking the lock. Hedwig flew to his arm. He gave the letter to Hedwig.

"Take it to Moony, girl. Avoid other wizards and such. Go on." directed Harry, sort of boosting her out the window. Hedwig soared out of sight. Harry thought to the twins: _'So...__you__ can get out of my head?' _Harry didn't get a reply; in a few seconds, a _shhh_-ing sound came, and he fell on the bed, clutching his head. He got up when the pain subsided, slowing looking around the room. Two figures with bright red hair were grinning at him.

"That happens, mate. Sorry for not warning you." said the one on the right, Gideon by the sound of his voice. He had curly red hair, and a face like the Weasley twins. He was wearing a maroon aviator's jacket over a black tee, and Jeans. Fabian, on the other hand, had straight red hair, gelled towards the middle of his forehead, and a face like Bill. He had a black aviator's jacket, maroon tee under, and maroon corduroy pants. Both were grinning like idiots. Harry chuckled, and looked around the room. He sighed. Then, he got an idea. You could almost see the light bulb.

"So, quick question. Can you guys do magic without the trace? Because, I'd like to take this with me. All of it." He asked, gesturing to all of the junk in the room. The twins screwed up their faces in contemplation and put their hands on their chins. Then, simultaneously, they gave a sideways glance to Harry, then at each other. Then they grinned.

"Of course-" Gideon started, leaning back, as if in thought.

"-it's one of the-" Fabian interrupted, smirking at Gideon.

"-benefits about-" Gideon added, mock-glaring at his twin

"-dying and coming back." Finished Fabian and Gideon together, looking at Harry again, who rolled his eyes. Harry gestured to all of his room, as if saying: 'So do it.' The twins winked, and then pulled out their wands. With a wave each, there was 4 trunks on the bed. With another wave, Gideon put everything into the trunks. Fabian then shrunk them, summoned a fifth, and put them in.

"Great." Harry said, grinning. Then he remembered: The Dursleys. He groaned. "Damn, I almost forgot to slop the pigs."

**Author's Post Script Talk: So? What DID you think? And, also, I've got this brick wall I've run into. Tell me challenges you think Harry & Prewett's should face? **

**Pop Quiz: Tell me, who were the beater's on the Gryffindor Team after Gred & Forge? And when did Fred & George become Gred & Forge? Best Answers get an OC.**

**- C.X.X**


	3. Author's Note

Greetings! I realize it's been nearly a year since I last updated. I truly am sorry, and I hate when other Authors do this. I've had a lot a stuff going on, changes and getting used to things. Again, I apologize, and thank those who have read, reviewed, followed, and etc.

Prophecies Are A Pain is something I've looked back on and said "What"? Really, I'm surprised people actually liked it, or even understood it. It's very…..confusing, too say the least. It's all-over-the-place, and poorly written. To put it simply, it doesn't make sense to me, and I wrote it.

I don't see where I was going with this. My next chapter, strangely enough, would have been Dudley waking up as Dionysus Lestrange, and learning that Vernon and Petunia weren't his real parents….yeah, not the best.

So, at this time, it's on Hiatus. I might rewrite the story, but it honestly is going nowhere.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how this could have turned out, how it was, and what changes you would suggest.

Thanks.


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